What is and What Should Never Be
by OriginalPippie
Summary: The second sequel to Distorted View. Bam has yet another life changing problem.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Bam lay in bed with a pathetic pout on his lips and water in his eyes. There were streaks running down his face and he looked like he had his heart ripped from his chest. He held one hand beneath the pillow and held onto the top of the blanket with the other hand. He lay there motionless even once some one came into the room.

"Bam come on. It's time for you to get out of bed now." Said Jenn as she reached the foot of the bed

"What's the point?"

"You've been lying in bed since you came home yesterday."

"So what?"

"Bam come on, you're starting to worry me. Now please get out of bed."

"Why should I? It's not like things are going to change if I get out of bed. I'm better off right here and you know it."

"Bam I'm not going to stand here and watch you feel sorry for yourself." She argued

"Fine then leave."

"Bam you're being ridiculous!"

"I am not!" He looked away from her as more tears rolled out of his eyes

"Knock, knock." Said April, standing in the door way. "Is it alright for us to come in?"

"Why not? Bring everyone in! Invite all of West Chester while you're at it!" Bam said with a sniff. "Let every one see how pathetic my life had become."

"Bam," April said, reaching the side of the bed "You're not pathetic and you know that. Now get these thoughts out of your head." She wiped some of his tears away

"Don't touch me. I can at least wipe my own tears, Ape."

"Bam you really need to get out of bed. We don't want to see you wasting your life away over this one setback." Said Phil

"Setback?" Bam snorted "My broken foot was a setback. My, my battle with Anorexia was a setback. This is… this is a…" He was so upset that he couldn't finish his sentence

"Even so, Bam, you can't just stay in bed. You have to move on from this like everything else, and continue with your life."

"So what, Phil, are you going to give me a pep talk now?" He asked gruffly, as he pulled himself into sitting position

"Maybe I will, Brandon." He said, putting a special emphasis on "Brandon" "You have to stop crying over this and get back to being Bam. The Bam I know wouldn't lie around in bed being depressed over this. The Bam I know would get up and face the world like nothing happened."

"You want me out of bed so fucking badly? You all want me out of bed? Well fine!"

He pulled the blanket off of him and scooted closer to the edge of the bed so he could hang his legs off the side. He then reached over and grabbed the chair that was next to the bed and with all of his strength he placed himself into the chair. His face was read and he huffed to catch his breath as he looked up at the three of them.

"There! I got out of bed. Are you happy now?" He asked with a slightly trembling lip.

Bam looked down into his lap as he wheeled himself around to the other side of the bed.

"I don't see why you wanted me out of bed so bad. You know I can't do anything, now that I'm in this fucking wheelchair."

"Bam that's not true, "Said April "You can still do lot's of things just like you used to do."

"Yeah? Well I can't fucking skateboard in a wheelchair! Tell me how I'm supposed to do that." He wheeled himself out the door

"Bam come back," Jenn started to say

"No. Everyone please leave me alone."

Bam managed to make his way to the pool table by himself and he set up a one person game. He hit the cue ball and watched it roll across the table, barely bumping into one of the colored balls. He let the end of his pool stick hit the floor next to the wheel of his chair, and held it loosely in his hand. His head rested against the stick and he stared at the table. A single tear rolled down his nose as he sat there. One of the cats hopped up onto his lat and purred. He looked down at the can and lightly placed his hand on the cat's back, softly stroking its fur.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_His stomach grew nervous as he passed the Compton City Limit sign. He held his breath as he made the turn that would take him to the road to Terry's house. Bam had been to Compton a few times before, but every time made him more nervous than before._

"_There he is." Bam spoke to no body as he saw Terry in the window._

_He crept his car into the drive way and slowly got out of it, looking around with shifty eyes. Then he reluctantly made his way up the driveway towards the house. Terry met Bam before he even reached the porch. They greeted each other by shaking hands and began talking._

_Nearby the sound of a speeding car was heard coming in their direction. Terry looked up with wide eyes once he saw the approaching vehicle._

"_Bam! Get yo' ass down now!" He shouted_

_A few shots were fired from a hand gun. Terry pushed the terrified Bam to the ground, and held him there until the firing ended and the car drove away. When Terry rolled off of Bam, he stood up and looked down the road in the direction of the car._

"_Man I don' know what thems foos beef was. You ok?"_

"_Terry… I'm hurt pretty bad."_

_Terry looked down at Bam, then at his arm that was once around Bam. There was blood on both. Terry bent down beside Bam and checked him out. There was a bullet hole in Bam's shirt, and blood oozed out from beneath it._

"_Bam I meant to push you out of the way. I…"_

"_Terry what happened?"_

_Bam sat up in the hospital bed, with his parents seated on either side of him. The doctor stood just at the foot of the bed, reading the charts in his hands. The doctor flipped the pages of the charts down and looked up at Bam. Bam knew that he was saying something to him, but he just couldn't focus on the words. The doctor might as well have been speaking in tongues, because Bam wasn't hearing any of it. He looked down at his legs and tried to block out the pain in his back that the pain killers didn't take care of._

_He knew that he shouldn't have gone into Compton, but he just had to have Compton Ass Terry on the show. Now he was stuck in a hospital bed after receiving a bullet in his lower back. He glanced up toward the doctor to see if he was finished blah-blahing about infections or however long he had to stay in the hospital or old Shirley Temple movies, or whatever the hell he was going on about. None of it mattered much to him, because at that moment he just wanted to be left alone so he could get some sleep. Maybe sleep would allow him to forget everything for a while._

_The doctor gave him a nod and then turned out of the room. Bam looked at his parents and faked a grin as best as he could._

"_Bam isn't that good news?" Asked his mom_

"_Um… yeah…. Yeah I guess." He answered, trying to figure out what this good news possibly could have been. He thought for a second that maybe he should have been listening to the doctor._

_Phil patted him on the shoulder "Looks like you'll be out of here in no time, kiddo. You've always been one to recover fast from your injuries."_

"_Yeah… looks like I can survive just about anything, even getting shot in the back."_

"_You're just lucky that the bullet didn't hit your spine." April chimed in "But the doctor did say that the bullet was in an iffy spot, so you still should be careful."_

"_Ape he'll be fine."_

"_I know. So sweetie, would you like us to stick around a little longer, or should we leave?"_

"_Actually I'm kind of tired and I want to get some sleep now."_

"_Ok then," She gave him a kiss on the forehead "We'll leave you alone."_

"_We'll be by to see you tomorrow, ok?"_

"_Yeah."_

_Bam watched as his parents left the room. After the door was closed, he looked down at his legs. There was one thing that he actually heard the doctor say to him. He was told before his parents got there that, even though the bullet didn't hit his spine, it was still really close to it. There was, however, some bruising and swelling on the spine, which may have been caused b y the bullet winging past it. This news was something that Bam didn't want to hear, which was why he blocked out everything else that the doctor was saying, in fear that he would tell him something much worse._

_He ran his hands over the top of his legs and frowned. He didn't want to tell his parents about the bruising and swelling. He didn't want to tell them what he was told the bruising or swelling could cause. He didn't want to tell them that before they arrived, he could no longer feel his legs._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Bam ran his hand over the cat's back a few more times and laid the pool stick across the table. He sat the cat on the floor and was about to wheel himself away from the pool table. Looking up he saw Novak standing there with a pool stick.

"Rack 'em up again."

"What?"

"You up for a game?"

"I…" Bam glanced back at the table then at Novak "Yeah sure. Sure beats playing alone." He said emotionless

Bam turned his chair back around and began to rack up the balls for a game.

"You wanna break?" Bam asked

"Sure."

Novak hit the cue ball, breaking the other balls apart. A striped ball rolled into one of the pockets.

"You're solids, buddy." He said as he got ready for his second shot

The two of them played for a while without speaking very much to each other Bam misses his shot, allowing Novak to take his turn. He lined up for his shot and was about to hit the cue ball.

"It's nice to see you out of bed."

Bam nearly threw his stick down "You're not going to be like them are you?"

"No, I just meant that, I couldn't play pool by myself if you stayed in bed like you were. That's all."

"Ok fine. I guess this isn't so bad… a little awkward playing sitting down the whole time."

"You're doing fine. Don't worry about it."

"Thanks." He said dejectedly

The two of them continued their game of pool, while Jenn, Phil and April watched from nearby. They all knew that with Bam's paralysis, there were going to be some big adjustments for everyone.

"See? This is what he needs." Said April, softly "He needs to just be able to do the things he's always done, and have everyone else treat him like normal. It's the only way he's going to get out of bed finally. It doesn't matter to me what he does, just as long as he's not spending his whole time moping in bed." Jenn sighed "It's just a shame that he can't do… _every_thing that he used to do. That's the part, I believe, that's bothering him the most about this."

Phil shook his head "Bam might be starting to do things other than lie around, but look at him. He still needs some cheering up. I just can't stand to see him like this."

"I know Phil. It's hard for all of us not seeing a smile on Bam's face, or hearing him laugh at all… but what can we do?"

"All I know is I can't keep standing here watching him and talking about him any more.'

Jenn walked over to the pool table and stood by Bam's side. Bam sat there with his pool stick across the arms of the chair, awaiting his turn. Jenn paced a hand on his shoulder.

"How's it going?"

"I'm getting my ass kicked by Novak."

"You don't seem to be doing that bad."

"I'm still losing to him." He sighed and looked away from her "I can all ready see that nothing is going to go right for me. I should have just stayed in bed. That way I wouldn't have to go through this."

"Go through what? Losing a game of pool? God, Bam, why are you being so dramatic?"

Bam looked as if he were trying to fight back tears. He picked up the pool stick and laid it on the table.

"Know what Novak? Let's just say you won." He started to wheel himself away

"Where are you going?"

"Just…" Bam stopped for a second "Just never mind about me. I don't feel like being around any one right now."

"You're not going back to bed are you?" Jenn asked with a slight scolding tone in her voice

"No I'm not going back to bed! Even though that's where I really want to go."

Bam wheeled himself away from everyone. He manages to bring himself out onto the deck and sat where he could look over the railing as best as he could. It didn't take long before tears began to fall from his sad blue eyes. He brought one hand to his face to wipe the tears away, but the tears full faster than he could wipe them.

"This isn't fair." He said with a sniff "Why'd this have to happen to me?"

He leaned his head against the back of the chair as he silently wept.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jenn looked out and saw Bam still sitting out on the deck. She sighed, knowing that she was being hard on him. Normally when she knew that Bam was having a hard time dealing with something, she wouldn't be treating him this way. She would normally have let Bam stay in bed as long as he wanted, and made attempts to cheer him up. But not this time. Not while she was still feeling the sting in her heart, the sting that she received a few months earlier while Bam was in the clinic recovering from his bout of Anorexia.

_She walked into Bam's room to see that he wasn't there yet. **'He must still be in the group meeting.'** She thought as she looked down at her watch. She walked over to the chair that sat next to the bed and sat down to wait for Bam._

_Bam walked in and stopped once he saw Jenn sitting there. He hadn't expected to see her that day. He smiled as he walked up to her to give her a hug._

"_I'm so glad to see you, Jenn. I missed you." He said before pulling away from her "What are you doing here?"_

"_I decided to surprise you." She looked at him and smiled "You're looking good. Starting to fill out some." She said as she wrapped her fingers around Bam's forearm "See? We knew that this place would be good for you Bam."_

"_Yeah… well you don't have to sit through those agonizing meetings. Some of those other patients I can do without."_

"_Well this is basically rehab, Bam. What did you expect? That everything about being here was going to be pleasant?" She laughed_

"_Well no." He smirked as he sat down on the bed_

_Jenn sat next to him and looked down at her shoes._

"_So, besides the dreaded group meetings, how have you been?"_

"_Not too bad I guess. I have good days and bad… lately they've been mostly good." Even though she was looking down, he still was able to see the expression on her face "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing… well… I don't know."_

"_Is something bothering you? What is it?"_

"_Bam… um… I don't even know how to say this."_

"_What? Did something happen at home? What's going on?" He began to panic_

"_Nothing happened at home, but there's something that's been bothering me about us." She looked up at him, showing a mixture of emotions in her eyes_

"_What about us? You're not breaking up with me are you? Because you know that, just like the other times, it won't last."_

"_Bam I'm not breaking up with you. It's just… Crystal has been asking about you and it makes me wonder…"_

"_Jenn stop there. I… I think I know where this is going."_

_He took her by the hands and looked deep in her eyes._

"_Jenn I love you… and you are the best friend I ever had. We've been through a lot together, breaking up and getting back together more times than we can count."_

_She began to smile, as did he, but his smile was sadder than hers. He gave her a kiss on the lips and tightened his grip on her hands for a second._

"_I never want to lose you, no matter what happens. I never wanted to hurt you either but…"_

"_But what?" She asked as her smile faded_

_He looked away from her as he tried to think of the best way to tell her "Jenn, there's no way that I can tell you this without hurting you. But you have to first remember how much I love you… I… while I was in California I had an affair… with Crystal. I'm… I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."_

_She let go of his hands "You're **sorry**? That's all you can say about it? I don't believe you Bam! How could you do this to me?"_

_She stood up and stormed over to the door._

"_Wait! Jenn!"_

"_Bam you better make sure that you stay here for a long time, if you know what's good for you!" She said from the doorway with tears in her eyes "This was the last thing I ever expected from you! I can't even stand to look at you any more." That said, she turned and left Bam sitting on the bed._

Jenn thought about going out onto the deck to comfort Bam. She slowly turned away from the door and took a few steps away. Stopping in her spot she placed her fingers of one hand over her mouth lightly as she thought some more. She and Bam thought that they would never be able to get past what he did to her, and move on with their relationship. They were slowly making their way to a full reconcile, but the pain was still there. Now with Bam paralyzed, Jenn was somewhat torn over how she should treat him. She wanted to take care of him as much as he would allow. She wanted to smother him with affection and help him get over the pain. But at the same time she didn't want it to seem like she was only doing this because she felt bad for him at the moment. She wanted him to know that she was willing to work things out with him, but it wasn't going to come easy. This was definitely a tough situation for them. And it was coming on the tail end of a big test in their relationship, if they still had one.

Jenn turned back around and walked out the door onto the deck. She stood behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders.

"Bam." She said softly

He looked up toward her, and there were traces of tears in his eyes.

"You um… I'm going to give you a little time to… do whatever you need to do to help you through this. If you need to stay in bed, or go out drinking with the guys, or whatever. I just want you to know that I'm right here beside you, despite everything else we've been going through."

"Thanks… I…" He reached up and placed his hand on hers "What happened between us?" He asked, as if he knew what she was thinking about before she came out there "I… I mean I know what happened of course… but I just thought you would have left me after I told you about Crystal. Why'd you stay?"

She held her breath for a second before letting it out "Let's not worry about that. We've got something else to deal with right now."

"Things are going to get better, aren't they?" He asked, with a very childlike tone

She bent down and wrapped her arms around him "They always do."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Bam was seated on a bar stool to his best ability and held and empty glass in front of him. Another pitcher of beer arrived before the guys and they refilled their glasses. About an hour or two later the guys were ready to go home. But once Bam got inside his house, he decided that he didn't get quite drunk enough at the bar, so he and Jenn stayed up for a while drinking together.

Bam sat on the couch and waited for Jenn to come back with more beer for the both of them. Jenn handed him one of the bottles of beer and then sat down next to him. He took one drink and let it rest in between his legs as he slowly slid down in his spot. Jenn propped him back up and he lifted his head up toward her.

"Whyre you bein' so good to me?" He slurred as he spoke

"What do you mean?"

He looked away from her "I've been horrible to you."

"No you haven't Bam. What are you talking about?"

"Yes I have. I cheated on you an' I kep' it from you for a long time." He said with a whimper in his voice "I still don' know why you stayed with me after what I did."

"Please don't bring this up, baby. We're happy now."

"Happy? How could you say that you're happy with me? I mean… not only… not only did I cheat on you but I'm a fucking no good cripple who can't do anything for himself." He began to cry before he finished speaking

Jenn sat her beer down and turned to Bam. She placed her hands on the sides of his face to wipe his tears away. She turned his head so he would be looking at her, keeping her hands on his face.

"Bam don't talk like that about yourself."

"But it's all true. I'm no good. How can you still be with me?"

"Bam I'm still with you because I love you."

"No you don't." He started to cry harder "No you don't. You're jus' sayin' that to make me feel better. How can you sit there and say that you love me after everything that's happened? How can you love me now tha' I'm in a fucking wheelchair?"

"Bam please stop doing this to yourself."

She wrapped her arms around him as he cried into her shoulder. After a minute of crying, his tears slowed down and he pulled himself away from her. He bent forward with his head hanging down and his eyes closed. He then reached out in front of him as if he was trying to find something on the floor.

"Bam what are you doing?"

"I need to go to the bathroom." He said as he crawled down to the floor. He sat on the floor with his legs spread out in front of him and looked up. "Where's… where's my wheelchair?"

"It's right here Bam." She said, bringing the chair up behind him. "You need help?"

Bam shook his head "No I'm fine."

He placed his hand behind him and grabbed the wheelchair. Then he tried to pull himself up, not realizing that Jenn was helping him. Once he was seated, he leaned forward and looked down at the floor.

"Told you I didn't need help." He said, causing Jenn to fight back a laugh

For a moment Bam sat there, looking like he was nodding off. Jenn placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up at her.

"Bam? Did you still have to go to the bathroom?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Could you help me?"  
She smiled "Sure Bam."

Jenn pushed Bam into the bathroom and helped him onto the toilet. This trip to the bathroom took longer than Jenn had expected, mostly due to the fact that Bam started crying again. She was growing frustrated, trying to calm Bam down enough for her to help him back into his wheelchair.

"Bam please stop talking like that." She pleaded as she handed him some toilet paper to dry his eyes with

"I jus'… I jus' feel like no one likes me anymore. I'm prob'ly gettin' on everyone's nerves, because I can' even go around me house without someone's help. I couldn't even go piss jus' now if you didn't help me in here. I'm no good. I'm just no good… just a big burden to everyone."

"Bam no you're not."

Bam sat there with a crumpled up piece of toilet paper in his hand and looked down, away from Jenn. They stayed in the bathroom for a few more minutes, as Bam let the rest of his drunken tears fall from his eyes. Suddenly he lifted his head and looked up at her.

"I'm so sorry Jenn."

"For what?"

"For having you see me like this. I… I'm so sorry."

"Bam there's no reason to apologize. I…"

"Please just help me to bed. I'll try to make up for this tomorrow."

"Make up for what? There's nothing for you to make up for."

"Just… I need to go to bed."

"Ok let's go."

Jenn helped Bam upstairs and into bed. As soon as he was sprawled out beneath the covers, Bam passed out. Jenn crawled into bed beside him and turned the light out. After a while Jenn woke up to the sound of muffled gagging coming from the other side of the bed. She turned the light on and looked over towards Bam. _'Thank God he's lying on his stomach.' _She thought as she got out of bed. She picked up the waste basket and carried it over to Bam's side of the bed, and placed it on the floor.

"Bam?" She placed a hand on his back "Bam the trash can's right here by you, ok?"

Almost immediately after she got into bed, Bam leaned over the side of the bed and began to vomit into the waste basket. Jenn reached over and placed a hand on Bam's back, and rubbed it while he vomited.

"It's ok baby. It's ok, just let it all out." She looked over him and cringed "Baby you're getting it all over the floor!" She groaned

When Bam was finished, Jenn got out of bed again and went into the bathroom. She returned with a large towel, that she was going to use to clean up the mess, and looked at Bam in the bed. At first he looked to have passed out again until he cracked his eyes open.

"You're too good to me Jenn. You know that?" He closed his eyes again

"Someone has to be." She said with a slight laugh, despite the fact that she had just begun to clean up.

When she finished cleaning up she took the towel into the bathroom and tossed it into the bathtub. She washed her hands, filled a glass of water for Bam, and then returned to the bedroom. Upon her return she saw that Bam was out cold, so she sat the glass on the side table near him before crawling back in bed. She reached for the light switch on the lamp, and sighed before turning the light out.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As time went by, things seemed to be getting better for Bam and for everyone else. His bout of depression faded out and he looked as if he was returning to the old Bam, on the surface any way. He acted as happy as he possibly could, but he was constantly reminded that he was unable to move from the waist down. Even though he had gotten used to his new handicapped lifestyle, he still couldn't stand the way he was forced to live. He couldn't stand the fact that every time he looked at one of his skateboard that was all he could do with it.

It wasn't that there was absolutely no hope for him regaining the ability to walk; it was the fact that he didn't know when he would be able to walk again. The doctor told him months ago that the bruising and swelling on his spine would have to heal completely before even the slightest bit of sensation in is legs would return. That would take a long time, since it was internal, for it to heal, possibly up to a whole year. One thing was fir sure, though, the doctor told him that the first sensation that he would feel would be that of immense pain. This was why he was prescribed a bottle of painkillers to keep on hand just in case.

Bam wheeled himself out onto the deck and breathed in the warm morning sir. The sun was just rising, causing a dull pink and orange glow across the sky. Normally he wouldn't have been up so early, but for some reason he couldn't sleep any longer, and decided to take advantage of the moment and went outside to watch the sun rise. A slight smile formed at the corners of his mouth and his eyes brightened softly as he gazed out before him. He had never seen such a beautiful sight as he was seeing right then. The way the dark night sky was transforming into a day sky with the glow of the sun. The stars were slowly disappearing as rays of the sun crept up against them. In the distance he could hear morning doves cooing, and other birds chattering in the trees of the surrounding woods. The grass below was shining of dew, which added to the spectacular sight.

As Bam took the scene in, his mind began to wander. He began to remember back to random events that occurred months prior, when he had first became paralyzed. He was so much more depressed then, depressed and scared. He was still a little depressed, but not nearly as much, and he didn't let on that he was to the others. He remembered back to one of his first nights home from the hospital, how weak he was. That night he was going to end his life so he wouldn't have to deal with being handicapped. April caught him in the bathroom about to swallow the bottle of painkillers that was given to him. A knot formed in his stomach when he thought about the look on her face when she snatched the pill bottle out of his hand, and when he thought about how she spent a good hour in the bathroom with him, both of them crying, and she trying to talk him out of his thoughts of suicide.

That wasn't his only suicide attempt. Just a week after that, Bam was caught in the kitchen with a large carving knife in his hand. He remembered sitting there as Phil, Jess, Brandon and whomever else was with them, yelled at him. He felt so ashamed of himself as he listened to them yell. The yelling caused Jenn and his mom to come into the room inquiring what it was about. The looks that befell their faces once they heard that eh was planning on stabbing himself with the knife were too much for him to bear. He remembered looking up at them with tears in his eyes, as he apologized for having everyone worry about him, and as he promised them that that would be the last suicide attempt. This promise, however, didn't stop him from thinking about taking his own life. He just didn't do anything about it for their sake.

Bam brought himself back to reality as he felt the sun on his face. He wasn't going to think about those, or any other moments of weakness he had gone through. He decided that this was going to be a good day, and he was actually going to be happy. He remembered what happy was like, it was a good feeling… right? He decided that he wasn't going to let anything bring him down, no not this day. He didn't know why he chose this day; he just knew it was time to bring the old Bam back.

He smiled as he felt the sun, how warm it was. There was a slight breeze that mixed with the warmth of the sun that had spread half way across the sky by this time. Just by sitting there he already could tell that it was going to be a good day. The sun kissed the wood of the deck, and brought more light around Bam, making it easier to see. He pushed the sleeves of his long sleeved t-shirt up as his smile grew. The scene before him was gorgeous and he didn't want to leave it behind. His bare legs and feet that stuck out from his beige shorts were touched by the sun as well. The mixture of the breeze and warm sun felt good against his face, his arms, hands, and… legs?

Quickly his smile faded into a puzzled frown. Ever since he had become paralyzed, he hadn't felt even the slightest bit of warmth on his legs and feet. He looked down at his lap and then at the footrests of the wheelchair where his exposed feet sat. His mouth fell open as he began to run his hands across his still limbs. For a split second the warmth on his legs was the greatest feeling he ever experienced. Then _it _kicked in. It started out in his lower back then shot down his legs all the way to the tips of his toes. The doctor was underestimating when he told Bam that it would be immense pain. This was the worst excruciating pain that he had ever felt in his entire life. He had many injuries before, but none of them ever came any where close to what he was feeling now. Suddenly all he could think about was those pain killers, and he didn't care how he got them.

Bam wheeled himself as best and as fast as he could through the pain back inside and headed for the bathroom. Bringing himself to the bathroom was in question a very difficult task for Bam. Once he got there he tore open the medicine cabinet and grabbed for the bottle of pills, knocking it over onto the floor. By this time Bam was in tears, and he spilled himself onto the bathroom floor to retrieve the pills. Jenn had heard the commotion in the bathroom and came running to see Bam crying on the floor reaching for the bottle of painkillers.

"Oh my God!" She jumped down to the floor and quickly grabbed Bam by the arm "Bam you promised after your last attempt that you weren't going to try any ting! Give me those!" She said, trying to grab the pill bottle from his hand

'But I need them! You don't understand!" He pleaded through his tears

"No, Bam, you don't need them." She said sternly "I will _not_ allow you to kill yourself!"

"What? No Jenn you really don't understand! I wasn't… This looks really bad, doesn't it? But it's not what you think, honest!" he said, still with tears streaming down his face.

Jenn sat back on her feet and looked at him, trying to register in her mind what else this situation could possibly be,

"Start explaining then."

"Well I was on the deck, watching the sunrise. And then I felt the sun on my legs, and then I had to come in here because the pain is so bad… I guess I should have woken you to help me, but I…"

"Wait… go back."

"I should have woken you?"

"No before that."

"I had to come in here because the pain was so bad."

"Before that. I want to hear that part again."

"I was on the deck?" He asked, trying to smile

'Yeah, then what did you say after that?" She began to smile as well

"And I felt the sun… on my legs. I… I can feel my legs."

"You're not fucking serious!"

"Yes I am!"

Jenn wrapped her arms around him and she too began to cry; only hers weren't tears of pain like Bam's were.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Bam wheeled himself inside as Jenn walked close behind him carrying two large metal objects in her arms. Bam's face was still flushed from all the work he had done at his physical therapy session. He wheeled into the kitchen where April was busy washing the dishes.

"Hey Ape." He said winded "Could you get me a glass of water? I need to take a painkiller _now._"

"Oh sure. So Bam how was physical therapy?"

"Work."

He took the glass of water that April filled for him and went over to the counter where the pill bottle rested in waiting for him. Jenn came into the kitchen and rested the metal objects against the table.

"Bam, tell her what the therapist said."

Bam swallowed a pill and took a swig of the water. "She said that I'm making great progress and that uh… she thinks that I'm ready to try those." He tilted his head towards the table in order to point.

"What are they?" Asked April, stepping away from the sink and drying her hands.

Bam wheeled himself over to the table with one hand, while holding the glass with the other. He then lifted one of the metal objects straight up so April could see it better.

"Oh they're like crutches." She said, examining it.

"They are. They're special crutches, see I actually stick my hands through these rings on top and hold onto the bars down here. It's just for extra support.

"I'd like to see you use them."

"What, now? But I'm so tired."

"You wouldn't have to walk very far, just enough to show her." Jenn said "Here let me help you."  
Bam sighed "All right. But I can barely walk even with them."

"That's ok, just seeing you standing with them will be enough for me."

Jenn stood in front of Bam, helping him with the crutches. She then moved over to the side of his chair and helped him into standing position. Bam wobbled for a second until he got his crutches in place. Then with all of his strength, he moved his crutches forward and slowly shuffled up to them, making it a good foot away from his wheelchair. This was enough to bring a broad smile to April's face, and she walked up to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bam! I'm so proud of you!"

"But I barely went a foot. And even _that _much wore me out."

"It doesn't matter to me how far you went. Besides a week ago you couldn't even do that much!"

Bam smiled weakly at her then looked at Jenn "Could you help me back into my chair?"

Phil entered the kitchen just as Jenn was helping Bam lower himself into the wheelchair.

"What's going on in here?"

"Oh Phil you just missed it. Bam just showed me how far he's gotten in his physical therapy. If it wasn't so hard on him, I'd have him show you what he did."

"What'd he do?"

"Hang on Phil. Maybe I'll be up to showing you after my pain pill kicks in." Bam removed the crutches and leaned them against the table. "You guys have no idea how much that little bit takes out of me."

"Well, what little bit did you do?"

"See these crutches Phil? With these I was just able to move from here to here." He said pointing to the spots on the floor. "Might not seem like a lot for you, just by me telling you about it, but for me to actually do it… I'm exhausted."

"To be fair, Bam, you did just come home from physical therapy. I saw you going farther than that during your session."

"That's true."

"Wow, sounds like you're making a lot of progress. I'm proud of you, son."

"You'd be even more proud once you see him in action." April grinned

Bam gazed down to the end of the narrow aisle that he stood before. He closed his eyes and held his breath as he tightened his grip on the bars that were on either side of him. Using the bars for support he slowly walked down, the aisle. About half way through his knees buckled and he stopped.

"Come on Bam you can do this, just a little farther." The therapist said

Bam cringed as he held his head down "I can't."

"Yes you can, just keep trying."

"No I can't. If it weren't for the bars, I'd be on the floor right now." He lifted his head toward the therapist "I really need to rest now."

"Ok Bam, you can rest for a few minutes and then you're trying again."

The therapist brought Bam's wheelchair over to him and helped him back into it. Jenn, who had been watching the therapy session from across the room, walked over to the exhausted Bam.

"You're doing great."

"No I'm not. I'm doing worse than I did last week. Last week I made it further than that through the bars."

"Don't let that discourage you, Bam. Besides you've made a lot of progress this past month, and you're doing a lot better walking with the crutches. Pretty soon you won't even need your wheelchair for anything. I'm very proud of you." She finished by giving him a kiss

"I suppose you're right. I just hate having to go through all of this physical therapy shit."

Jenn walked into the house after yet another physical therapy session, pushing Bam's empty wheelchair in front of her. She stopped in the living room where the others were, and pushed the chair right next to the couch.

"Where's Bam?" Asked Novak, looking up at her

Jenn looked behind her then at Novak, Phil and April "Oh he was right behind me. Hey honey!"

"What?" Came Bam's voice

"Come here!"

"I'm on my way, hold on!"

Bam appeared in the entrance to the room with his crutches and a big smile. He began to walk with his crutches up to where Jenn stood, then stopped part way and frowned.

"What's the matter Bam?"

"Jenn come here." Bam said with a soft voice

"Why?"

"Just come here."

She went up to him and he whispered something to her. Then a moment later Jenn walked away from him, carrying the crutches, and she sat down on the arm of the couch. The four of them watched Bam as if they were waiting for him to do something. Bam took a breath and let it out before he took a wobbly step forward. He paused and regained his balance. Then slowly, but steadily, he made his way over to the couch without the aid of his crutches or relying on another person for support. This was the first time in months that he was able to carry off that task.

Bam smiled as he placed his arms around Jenn, causing her to smile as well. He exhaled heavily as he pulled away from her and looked at the other three. April stood up and went over to him. She gently held the sides of his face in her hands for a second and then gave him a kiss on the cheek as she hugged him.

"Bam I knew you could do it."

"You proud of me?"

"Of course I'm proud of you. Bam that was like watching you take your first steps all over again."

Later that evening, Bam and Jenn were blissfully lounging together on the couch. Bam leaned his head against Jenn's shoulder as a grin lay lightly upon his lips.

"Bam you were amazing today. I still can't get over you doing that."

"Maybe I'll do a repeat performance tomorrow." He rolled his eyes up toward her "You know I've been planning on doing that for a while. I just figured that was the perfect time to try."

"Took you long enough to do it." She joked "I really admire how well you've been during all of this. I can't even imagine how hard everything has been on you."

"This past year and a half has really been fucked up, hasn't it?"

"Yeah sure has. I just hope that this is the end of it all."

"It is… I know it is."


End file.
